Organized Chaos

How ironic that I title this entry same as my entire blog...hmm haha. Anyways, in the past week a lot has gone down which is strange because it seems as if things happen too slowly in my life. So this entry is going to be a bit jumbled and I will probably jump back and forth between topics, so bare with me...

RANDY:
As far as this subject goes. I have realized that I am not necessarily IN LOVE with him. But that I just love him. I could never see myself with him due to his current habits that tend to be little pet peeves of mine. For instance, while home all he does is sit around playing video games. Granted he will go out and do stuff, but that stuff is either A. get soda, B. get food, or C. go buy a game, mind you this is besides being asleep or going to work. Keeps talking about going to school but making little to no effort in making that happen so pretty much it seems as if he is at a standstill in life and well I just don't see a future with him working out outside of being close friends. And that works for me. Why complicate a good friendship? Friends are those who will be there with you til the end in the roughest and greatest times. Case closed.

SCHOOL:
School started this week and so far so good. I have been studying every night for a couple hours at a time, minus tonight because I studied for 7 hours yesterday, so I feel I need a break. Work study is easier this quarter because I have a class afterwards so it's not like I can just go home whenever I feel like it, so I figure just pass the time making money. But yes, school is going good thus far.

WORK:
Aside from work study, I still work Old Country Buffet and I still hate it. The job is really easy so it's not the actual job I hate, it's the place of work and the management. It just sucks. Due to school and work study, my schedule only permits me to work Saturdays and Sundays at OCB. Well I told my manager this and well she was just plain b****y about it. She said that I need to be consistent on weekends or she is going to have to find someone else who is. So basically she threatened my job. But whatever I could care less. I have been there 3 years and I feel if I take a weekend off here and there it is no problem but NOOO it is the end of the world if I take the weekend off. Excuse the f*** out of me. Pardon my french. But due to no free time, I really don't have time to find another job. If OCB fires me or "lets me go" then so be it. I can find another job, plus I have work study.

FAMILY:
Those few weekends that I have been taking off from OCB have been because I go and visit my brother, sister (Mo), and nephews over in Tacoma. But I will get to that in a second. My family though is a big issue right now. My mom has been really, really snappy and irritable lately and it is really frustrating because she won't tell me what is wrong with her. She just keeps breathing fire down my neck like an angry dragon. So I have been talking to her less and less as of late due to her irritability. Part of me feels that it has something to do with her relationship. From the sounds of it I guess that her and her bf have been fighting a lot lately and I wonder if it has to do with the fact that she keeps mentioning the "m" word (aka marriage) randomly and well that tends to be where my mom's track record has led her with her past relationships. It is like a broken record playing the same thing over and over again. It's nothing new to me. But the funny thing about it is that it runs in the family and I think it has skipped over me. How do I know this? Well my grandma, mother, and sister (Kyla) all do the same thing. Frequently dating. When one relationship ends, they go immediately into another, leaving no time for recovery or time to process what happened. The last relationship I was in was a year ago and with being single for this year, I have been able to process things and focus on school, which is important to me. I don't feel like I fit in with my biological family like at all it seems. I never feel "at home" when I go visit my mom or when hanging out with them.

"VACATIONS":
Like I said I go visit my brother (Tommy), sister (Mo), and nephews (Elisha, Ashton, Theron, & Ace) for periods of time requiring me to take time off of work. I consider them mini vacations. I feel completely relaxed and at ease and "at home" when I go over there. :-). I feel like I am part of a family when I am there. I feel like I belong when I am with them. According to Tommy I am "Gullible, Witty, and Fun all at the same time". :-) Well I feel the same about them. They are all oodles of fun to be around. And like I said I feel "at home" when I am with them. Which brings me to my next topic.

FUTURE:
Mo and Tommy have mentioned the idea of me moving in with them. Mo more than anything (hehe). Then again I don't blame her considering she is 1 in 6 members that lives in her home, the rest are boys. TONS OF TESTOSTERONE. I feel for her haha. Anyways, ever since they have mentioned it, I have seriously considered it. And well I do want to go to University of Washington for Medical School when it comes time. And with everything starting to stress me out as of late and putting me at unease, I have considered the idea EVEN MORE! The things I need to figure out are school, finances, and transportation. But eventually I will end up over in the Seattle/Tacoma area. It is just a matter of time. I really do want to move over there. I just have a few obstacles to overcome, physical and personal.

SPRING BREAK:
I pretty much just can't wait to be at Mo & Tommy's for NINE DAYS!!! That's all on that subject hehe.